I'm 17, and have been with my boyfriend, who's 21, for about six months now, and in these six months I've been more than happy.
He treats me really well - taking me out for nice meals in restaurants even though he doesn't earn much, lends me a shoulder to cry on like that of the best friend I've never had, cooks for me and showers me with affection.
He's really protective of me, too, like the time he refused to let me go out clubbing with my friends for fear of my safety - ""you dont know what sort of guys you're going to meet there!''
However, I recently found out that he has another girlfriend in his own country. (He's not local, but a permanent resident.) They were childhood friends, staying in the same district, which means they have known each other since, like, forever. Their families get along well.
My world is crashing down. I don't know what to do. For a girl with not many friends, I depend on him a lot. I turn to him whenever I need advice, get stressed because of schoolwork overload or if I've had an argument with my mum.
I feel cheated, but I pity his girlfriend back in his country more. He has been in Singapore for the past eight years, and all this time he has been lying to her - and she doesn't know a thing. I feel this isn't the first time he has done something like this to her.
I have lots of things to say to him. But at the same time I don't know what to say to him. Criticise him for not being able to make a commitment, for being irresponsible, immature and lacking in morals? That'd just sound childish.
Stop answering his calls and replying to his SMSes? That'd just be running away.
So I just behave as if nothing has happened, which is even worse.
Sooner or later, I know I have to leave him … but somehow I lack the courage to do so.
Or maybe because of silly pig-headedness I just refuse to, because I still love him.
I don't know what to do.
disappointed
Dear Disappointed,
I’m sorry to hear that you are caught in a love triangle. And yes, you love him very much, and very very upset that he is cheating on both you and his girlfriend back in his home country.
My take is, you’re right, not replying to his sms and acting as nothing has happened, is probably not the best way forward.
I would really recommend that you speak up to him, in a condusive environment, and share what you’ve found out. Let him know, and hear what he has to say about the situation.
As he’s been away for 8 years from his home country, you may want to find out what’s the situation between him and his girlfriend. Perhaps, his love to her has faded over years apart, and he wishes to start anew.
Altneratively, he may have been with her for the past 6 months while with you, and simply double timing!
Hence, I do recommend that you speak to him, hear what he has to say. And eventually, lead him to make a clear choice of his relationship partner.
