I'm a first-year student in a local poly and I have a lecturer who is young and pretty. She's very kind and helpful to her students, and I can't help but like her. I guess I'm not a bad looking person, as some girls in my school have shown interest in me. But still I only have eyes for my lecturer. What should I do?
- Jonas
Dear Jonas,
Thank you for writing to Lifeline. Having a liking or a crush on your teacher/lecturer is a common situation that many young people face.
The kindness and care shown by the lecturer easily wins the heart of many young ones. However, you do understand that while you may be a good-looking chap, the care and concern your lecturer shows for you isn't that of the romantic sort.
I wouldn't encourage you to dwell too heavily on this feeling. Enjoy her lessons, be helpful to her in class, but recognise the romantic feelings you currently have should pass with time.
I can't keep up with my rich friends
I come from a middle-class family and my parents don't give me enough allowance to spend. I'm so jealous of my friends who get so much allowance from their parents and spend it on expensive clothes and other indulgences. At first, I didn't care that I did not dress like them but they keep giving me pressure to buy pretty clothes and going to hangouts that require me to spend a lot. I ended up spending a lot from my savings as I avoided taking more money from my parents. I really don't know how to get them to accept me as part of them even though I am not an extravagant spender.
- Jean
Dear Jean,
I do see that you are under strong peer pressure to keep up with your friend's spending habits. Yes, if your friends constantly require you to drink gourmet coffee to chill and want to eat at luxurious dining places, you'll lose the chance to hang out with them if you do not go. It may be hard for you to change your friends' spending behavior.
Secondly, you would want to continue spending time with them, so changing friends is out of the question.
The question now is, how can you manage their pressure on you to keep up with them on their spending?
Next, you'll have to ask yourself how much of this pressure is self-imposed and comes from your own wish to keep up with them?
If much of the pressure is imposed by them, what can you do to impress on them, that as a student, your pocket money just does not allow you to keep up with their expenditure? Impress upon them that you may just have to give some things a miss or they'll have to eat at certain places.
On the other hand, how much of this pressure is really self-imposed? Are they making fun of your clothes, telling you to buy certain branded items without your real wish? Or is it you wishing to keep up with them? If this is self-imposed, can you reduce your own expectation to dress in the branded outfits but focus on looking nice without bursting your budget?
Thanks for writing in. And I hope that you'll be able to enjoy spending time with your friends, without bursting your budget.
