My friend is obviously lesbian but she's not telling me
My good friend whom I have known for about 7 years is obviously lesbian, but yet she has never
confirmed this with me. I am a pretty open-minded person. I have other friends who are
homosexual, and I am not bothered by their sexuality. I don't know why she doesn't want to tell
me. Other friends have been asking me for years whether she is lesbian, and I really cannot
confirm that as she won't even confide in me, despite our long friendship. How do I go about
getting her to open up to me?
- Poh Choo
Dear Poh Choo,
A person’s sexuality can be a very personal matter to them. While you have mentioned that the two
of you are very good friends, she may have reservations opening up such a private matter.
She has been quiet about her sexual orientation thus far, and suggest that this is something very
private to her. The question to you is, do you really want to pressure her to say what she has
decided to keep private for so long? Is it that important for you to know?
I believe that if she makes a choice to open up to you and feel you have a need to know, she
will.
Am I just asexual or not interested?
I am 18 years old and I've not had a boyfriend before. I am really just not interested in anyone,
male or female. I thought I could have been lesbian but I find that I am not interested in girls.
I do admire male celebrities and look at them, but in real life, I simply can't like another
person. I have tried to have relationships but it does not work out cos I have no attraction to
anyone, and I treat guys as friends. Do I have a problem with my sexuality?
- Elise
Dear Elise,
Thank you for your mail.
I see in your letter that you are concerned whether you are asexual or simply have not found the
right person to be strongly interested in.
On a biological standpoint, sexual interest varies among people. Just like a person’s appetite
for food, a person’s level of sexual needs varies among people, and some can be simply much lower
than others.
There can be various reasons why you have not started liking someone so far. Would you be
currently focusing your energy on some goals and dreams at the moment? Are you currently troubled
by some matters? Are the people around you just not suitable?
If you have replied yes to the above, that’s really pretty okay and you shouldn’t be too hard on
yourself.
However, if you find yourself having difficulty closing up to people, and find yourself having a
lack of friends, you may find self-help books in the bookstores on making friends a useful read.
Try reading them, and hopefully, with the new skills, you could make new friends whom you’ll be
happy to spend time with.
